Grrarrggghhhhhuuuggghhh *weep*

I really enjoy college. Honestly, I do. I'm thrilled to the high heavens that my textbooks just came in today and I've started reading one of them and I have all of these (most likely short-lived) aspirations to be the BEST STUDENT EVER, and I want classes to start soon. That being said, I pretty much want classes to start so that I'm busy. Being busy takes my mind off of the fact that I'm feeling heinously displaced, despite starting my second year. I don't know if I can explain this properly, but I'll try. I feel like coming back to Penn for my sophomore year has been almost the same as coming for my freshman year. I feel so anxious, and I'm like, HOW WILL I MAKE FRIENDS??? And I'm so worried that I'm going to end up slouching in a corner somewhere because I'm too afraid to talk to people and that my roommates won't like me and that I'm going to be some sort of heartbroken social pariah. But everything's fine. I have nothing to stress about really, but I'm stressing about everything. For real, I was thinking earlier, maybe I should have a notebook to write notes in while I actually read, even though I'll be taking notes during class. And then I remembered that I pretty much don't have notebooks (though I think I have a couple in storage). And then my heart almost stopped and I almost wanted to cry. That isn't healthy! I don't know what's wrong. It's worst when I'm tired. When I'm up in the morning and running all over with Melanie and Ama and Victoria, everything's great. I'm like, phew, I have friends. But when I stop moving I start to get really insecure and worried about everything, and I'm like, checking my email to find out about GCC and RDP and working and classes and I remember something I was supposed to do and I feel so FREAKING HOT in this non air-conditioned place and my room is making me feel like crap because I don't know how I'm going to make everything fit and this nugget of anxiety/insanity builds up in my chest until I finally call my Mom. Because on top of everything I am also homesick, which is just lovely after all of the time I spent counting down the weeks until I was back at school. Thinking about hanging out with GCC calms me down, because I'm like, Oh, phew, God is there. But God is here, too. I just have to really believe that and talk to Him and not blame my environment for my attitudes (because I really hate it when people do that). But there you go. I'm anxious and stressed and homesick and it makes me wanna curl up somewhere and feel sorry for myself and maybe cry a little. But it's too hot to really do much curling up in Gregory. I'd have to go somewhere else. Still.