Transferred From Xanga: Friday, 26 March 2010

• Today in sisters' prayer we briefly started talking about boys. I'm not even sure how it happened, but let's be real--in a group of girls, is it really a surprise? Anyway, I was the only non-Asian girl there. This isn't a problem, I knew that GCC was predominantly Asian when I found it and it was something that I didn't care about from the beginning. I'm in the minority every time I do a church activity unless I'm with Army of One, which has almost all of the other GCC black people from Penn in it. The point of my bringing up the race thing was that each of the other girls said that they could only conceive of dating within their race. At the very least, they would settle for dating other Asians, but they all preferred to date people with the same ethnic background. It was at that very moment that I thought, "Well, I'm screwed." I have no plans to start looking for anyone to date until much later in the future. Even if I were open to the idea of dating right now, which I'm not, there's nobody that's interested anyway. The reason I inward-freaked a little bit is that church is the only place I could see myself finding a Christian guy. That's the only kind of guy that I would date, GCC is really the only place where I've met other Christian guys with the exception of one guy during PFP and two guys on my hall that aren't strong enough in their faith for me to possibly consider anything happening with them. That leaves my church. My wonderful, godly, fun, FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH ASIANS church.
  I feel like right here would be a good time for an interjection. I love all nationalities and races and ethnic groups. I would date anyone of any color as long as they were Christian and preferably older than me so that they would have a better chance of being more spiritually mature than I am. The problem is that after I heard all of these girls, I realized that the guys at GCC, whenever I start to think about them as potential dating prospects (which, omgosh, I cannot even begin to fathom at this point in my life, I just shuddered a little bit) will only be looking for Asian girls, or at least a good chunk of them will. I also feel like I should be a little more honest here: I've never really been attracted to black guys. It's probably just the way I've grown up, surrounded more predominantly by other races, but there you go. If, however, I meet a black Christian guy who's more spiritually mature than I am who's interested in me and who I genuinely feel attracted to, I'll probably jump at the chance. I just don't feel like that's going to happen, though. Who knows? God works in ways that some people call mysterious, I just go ahead and say "opposite from anything you ever expected to happen." If that pans out, I'll marry some dude named Tyrone Davis and live happily ever after. Whatever God wills, I'll take, because I know that if it comes from God it'll make me happy. Right now, though, at GCC, I've started to realize that nothing romantically related will come out of any of those guys for me. It's a tiny bit frustrating, because even though I don't have feelings for any of them I've started thinking, "Then how do I find anyone?" I was walking back after prayer and talking out loud to God and I just started thinking that maybe I just need to change my mindset or something. I'm not even trying to look at guys until at least a year from now, but here I am already worried about something that God has on lock. I don't know what I'm trying to say anymore, but I'm sure I'll have more to say about this later.

  
  

  
  

  I cannot believe I am publishing this. Gah.